I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
