I want to make a zoo with you.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
