He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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