Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize