I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
