my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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