I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
