I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
