he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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