forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
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