I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize