Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
