At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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