He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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