I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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