Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
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