She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
