Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
