I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
