My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
