my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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