Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize