Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
