I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize