Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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