You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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