Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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