Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
