Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
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