There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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