At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
