I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
