walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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