i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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