take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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