So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
