Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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