Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
