if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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