I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
