Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
