Your dad touched me again.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
