.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
