my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
