I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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