dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
