I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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