you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
