cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
