apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
