I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
