shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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