sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
