Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
