i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
