Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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