I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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