worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
