Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
