haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
