You really coming over, don't trick.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
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