im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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