By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
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