Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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