last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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