i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
this just has baby written all over it
You took a bar mat shot.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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