she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
