the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am midnight drunk by noon
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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