I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
