so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Randomize