Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
