you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
