i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
