So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
