What a fucking waste of an outfit
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
