I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
