Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Randomize
