He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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