my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
