just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
