he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize