I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
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