Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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