sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
