My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
