Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
