Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Randomize