you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
