I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
