sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
